How Do You Listen?
I’ve been thinking about what it means to listen. Listening is a form of active engagement which I think is different from hearing. Hearing is physiological. Hearing is a passive and automatic sensory process. If we have the privilege to hear, we don’t control it. Listening is an active and intentional process. It involves paying conscious attention to the sounds we hear, interpreting them, and understanding their meaning. Listening requires focus, cognitive engagement, and often emotional involvement. It's a deliberate action that goes beyond mere auditory perception to include processing and comprehension. We don’t have to have the physiological function to hear in order to listen.
Are you using your child to get back at your ex? The Impact of Parental Alienation
Constance and Damian have recently gone through a bitter divorce. Constance feels deeply hurt by Damian's actions during their marriage, and though he wants to stay involved in their children's lives, Damian does not want to be married anymore. This is a blow to Constance, she thought things were going ok despite the challenges of raising two and the economic stress they’ve been under. Constance can't seem to move past her anger. She starts making it difficult for Damian to see the kids—canceling visits at the last minute, ignoring his calls, and speaking negatively about him in front of their children. As weeks turn into months, Damien notices that his son, Jake is becoming more distant, even protective of Constance. His younger daughter, Grace, seems confused. Constance’s unresolved anger is inadvertently causing emotional harm to their kids.
It’s Self-Care Month (designated by the World Health Organization in 2019).
Thanks WHO! Did you know the concept of self-care in the United States originated as a medical term in the 1950s for long term care patients? Later the ‘self care’ concept was adopted by activist groups during the civil rights movement as a way to manage the wear and tear on one’s body when on the front lines. BUT, if we take a moment and decenter western history around the concept, we can see that indigenous forepeople have been attuned to the needs for time for holistically caring for the body (and the planet, for that matter) as a collective responsibility for a community long before the concept was named and, now talked about by influencers. ( I mean, I remember my grandma talking about “resting her eyes”... can anyone else think of terms or phrases from elders that talked about ideas of rest?) Anyway…
Bridging pride and heritage: managing your mental health in the LGBTQ+ and AANHPI Community
This current time between the months of May and June in the U.S. can be especially challenging for LGBTQ+ Asian American and Native Hawaiian/Pacific Islanders (AANHPIs) as Heritage Month and Pride Month observances are back-to-back. While the intersection of these observances can be a unique time for us to celebrate both identities, it can also bring up the struggles that come with belonging to communities that often conflict or contradict one another.
Summer is Sexy: Let’s Talk About Safer Sex and Consent Without Shame - 5 Things to Think About
Summer 2024 is about to be here, and with it comes sun-soaked days, late-night adventures, and the sizzling promise of romance and connection of all kinds. Whether you're getting that sexy drip together for smashtime or getting all Bridgeton about it …preparing to rekindle an old flame. It’s time to Let’s Get It On (for you old timers), make that WAP happen ... .or just be in the heat of this undeniably sexy summer. But with all the excitement, it’s essential to keep our conversating (it’s in the Oxford Dictionary!) or conversations around sex, consent, and safety both proactive and shame-free.
A Letter to Parents and Caregivers on Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Child/ren: A Journey of Understanding and Love
You are taking a crucial step towards fostering a nurturing environment where the child/ren can thrive authentically. What you are embarking on is not only confidence-boosting but life-saving. While society might have you focus on negative stereotypes and overload you with statistics, over the course of a few blog posts, I’d like to focus on some core elements for parents and caregivers so that you can focus on building support, and understanding along with your unconditional love. We need more healthy, honest and happy relationships within family units.
Navigating Depression in a Chaotic World
In a world fraught with challenges, it's normal to feel overwhelmed, anxious, or depressed. From distressing news headlines to personal struggles, the weight of societal and individual burdens can feel insurmountable. These external stressors can trigger situational depression, a common reaction to specific events or circumstances. However, for some, these feelings persist, evolving into long-term depression that requires professional intervention.
Thriving Amidst the Chaos? Burnout in the Age of Late-Stage Capitalism
You’ve been here a long time. You might turn to doom scrollingl through our social media feeds to capture the news of the day with a dash of levity with a baby or cat video but you know you have to get to work. You tell yourself you’re fortunate to have a job, even if the job might not be enough to sustain, or it’s just enough but not fulfilling. You desire to do something different or want to find a way to give back to your communities. You tell yourself that these are ‘first-world’ problems but know deep down you have to pivot - make a change. It’s an oxygen mask on yourself moment in the hopes of something greater.
Deciding When to Seek Help from a Sex Therapist: Let’s Talk About It
Navigating sexual issues can be challenging, as a couple’s therapist I’ve worked with people who have had challenges deepening their intimacy within their relationship. Seeking help from a therapist trained in the nuances of sex can offer valuable support and guidance. Even if you’re not in a relationship, issues of intimacy, sexual expression or trauma might be impacting how you feel about yourself as you’re trying to get close to others.
Why is “Settling” Such a Charged Word?
“Settling” often comes with a negative connotation. When I googled it, one of the definitions I found was to “accept or agree to (something that one considers to be less than satisfactory)”. We assume that by settling, we’re taking a partner who’s “less than satisfactory”, but where does this notion come from in a romantic sense?
Being with Suffering
The news is awful. There’s no way to sugar coat it. You can’t ignore it (and empaths, really can’t.) You can’t unsee the things you’ve seen and some feel like it’s their duty to be a constant witness. Small talk might be getting harder for you; and you might find irritation at those who seem like they're always ‘happy’ or are apolitical about what’s happening around them. Platitudes feel lame and, at best, don't really seem appropriate to the times.
A Quick Guide to Consensual Non-Monogamy’s Many Different Relationship Structures
Marriage, and monogamous relationships, may have been the American societal norm for decades, but that tide seems to be shifting. In a national survey conducted by data analytics firm YouGov in 2020, only 56 percent of people cited complete monogamy as their ideal relationship style. An estimated 23 percent of respondents said their relationships were already non-monogamous, echoing 2017 research published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, which found that more than one in five single Americans in their study had tried consensual non-monogamy. As Esther Perel points out in her book, The State of Affairs, “monogamy used to mean one person for life. Now, monogamy means one person at a time.”
The Road to Forgiveness: A Journey Paved with Grace
Within the fabric of our lives, forgiveness intertwines a delicate thread, binding wounds and healing scars. The road to forgiveness is not an easy one; it is fraught with pain, resentment, and sometimes, an overwhelming sense of injustice. Yet, as you traverse this challenging path, you'll find that forgiveness is not just a destination but a transformative journey, guided by the profound force of grace. Here are some ways to approach it:
Unleash Your Creativity this Spring: A Guide to Manifesting Something New in Your Life
Springtime is often associated with rejuvenation, growth, and the emergence of new possibilities. As nature begins to bloom, so too does our desire for change and exploration. If you've found yourself yearning for something meaningful, different, or transformative in your life, then you're in the right place at the right time. Welcome to the release of "You Are Creative" – a guide designed to ignite your inventive spirit and empower you to embark on a journey of self-discovery and creation.
What is liberation psychology and what is liberation-based therapy?
Originating from the works of psychologists like Ignacio Martín-Baró and Paulo Freire, liberation psychology
emerged as a response to oppressive political regimes and social injustices occurring in Latin American during
the 1970s. It was a time when many Latin American countries were ruled by authoritarian regimes, and people
faced persecution and marginalization for expressing dissenting views or advocating for social change. Against
this backdrop, psychologists recognized the urgent need to address not just individual mental health issues
but also the broader social and political factors contributing to widespread suffering and oppression. This
practice offers a unique perspective on healing—one that prioritizes empowerment, cultural relevance, and
the interconnectedness of personal and societal well-being.
Mutual Aid: A Call to Support the LBT Mental Health Fund - Support Us Store
I started the mutual aid fund during the pandemic because people found themselves in the midst of the crisis without access to mental health services. As we all remember, that time was also fraught with grief in relation to the many, many deaths of loved ones in our communities, job loss, fear and uncertainty of what the future might hold; fear of getting sick; getting sick with little resources. Then add the death of George Floyd, and the extremely divided political situation going into the presidential election - many people were on the brink. LBT reached out to a few generous individual donors who were able to support the fund - and we were able to provide support to people who were in deep need.
Walk in Faith
Isn't it intriguing how our perception changes with distance? From high above, the world seems vast and boundless, yet intimately connected. It's akin to how we sometimes view our faith journey. When your faith or higher power feels distant, it's easy to succumb to feelings of loneliness and abandonment. You may question its presence, wondering if it's truly there amidst the chaos of your life.
On Starting Over…
Life is a wild ride, filled with unexpected detours and crossroads that prompt us to contemplate the daunting prospect of starting over. Whether spurred by personal decisions, external circumstances, or a blend of both, mastering the art of starting over is a vital skill. New beginnings can offer a transformation power, or even a sexy resilience required to navigate change. The opportunities that emerge when we boldly step into the unknown can take us to places we could have never dreamed.
A Method for Healing: Accelerated Resolution Therapy
Accelerated Resolution Therapy or ART is an evidence-based approach that helps alleviate the symptoms of PTSD, depression, stress, and anxiety. Whether you are struggling with specific symptoms or are carrying difficult memories and emotions from your past, ART will take a targeted approach to help you heal from these circumstances.
Ugh! I am having problems talking to my kid! Ways to improve communication with children and teens
Improving communication with children and teens is essential for fostering healthy relationships and supporting their development. It is not easy to do with busy schedules, long work days and long commutes. There are not enough hours in the day to be the kind of parent we want to be. And let’s be real, sometimes our kids get on our nerves! Especially when they are having growth spurts or when teens are going through the individuation process (when they begin to get a sense of themselves in the world separate from you) they can be hard to talk with. Here are some strategies that can help enhance communication: