Summer is Sexy: Let’s Talk About Safer Sex and Consent Without Shame - 5 Things to Think About

Photo by Leilani Angel

Summer 2024 is about to be here, and with it comes sun-soaked days, late-night adventures, and the sizzling promise of romance and connection of all kinds. Whether you're getting that sexy drip together for smashtime or getting all Bridgeton about it …preparing to rekindle an old flame. It’s time to Let’s Get It On (for you old timers), make that WAP happen ... .or just be in the heat of this undeniably sexy summer. But with all the excitement, it’s essential to keep our conversating (it’s in the Oxford Dictionary!) or conversations around sex, consent, and safety both proactive and shame-free.

Here are five things to think about to ensure your summer flings are as safe and enjoyable as they are steamy.

1. **Consent is Sexy: Always Ask and Always Listen**

Consent is the foundation of any healthy sexual encounter. It’s about respect, communication, and mutual agreement. Remember, consent isn’t just a one-time check; it’s an ongoing conversation. Asking questions like, “Is this okay?” or “Do you like this?” can be incredibly sexy and ensure that both parties feel comfortable and respected.

And if you’re just out in those streets, meeting people: normalize asking, “What pronouns do you use?” and “What are your boundaries?” “What’s your safe word?” Safe words aren’t just for the kink crowd. Let’s get on with promoting safer environments for all sexual activity everywhere. ESPECIALLY ON THE DANCE FLOOR, IN DA CLUB, AT THE SEX PARTY.

Photo by Pexels Cottonbro

2. **Prepare for Protection: Condoms, Dental Dams, and Beyond**

Being prepared shows that you care about your partner's health and your own. Condoms are a must, but don’t forget about other forms of protection like dental dams, internal condoms, and lube. Lube reduces friction and can make sex more enjoyable while also decreasing the chance of condom breakage. Water soluble, non-oily lube. (And for the folks with penis’.... just because you’re on PreP doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be using condoms! Syphilis is on the rise. )

For those with multiple partners, regular STI testing is part of responsible sexual health. Summer is a great time to set a testing schedule – consider it part of your self-care routine. Many clinics offer free or low-cost testing, and knowing your status is empowering.

AND CLEAN YOUR SEX TOYS. You should have a sex toy for each play place. Putting something near the anus and then putting in near a vagina, people is a NO-NO!

3. Get in the mental game. Communicate Openly: Before, During, and After**

Healthy communication is key to a satisfying and safe sexual experience. Before getting intimate, talk about what you like, what you’re curious about, and what your boundaries are. This can be a fun and exciting conversation that builds anticipation. 

During sex, continue to check in with each other. Non-verbal cues are important, but never assume – always make sure you have verbal consent. Afterward, discuss what you enjoyed and any adjustments for next time. This reflection not only improves the current encounter, if it’s a one off and future encounters. This promotes your sexual IQ and strengthens your connection.

Photo by Womanizer Toys

4. **Embrace a Shame-Free Attitude: Sexuality is Natural**

Sexuality is a natural and beautiful part of human experience, and there’s no room for shame. Unfortunately, many of us carry shame from societal pressures or past experiences. We can shed that baggage and embrace a more positive outlook on sex.

Educate yourself and others about sex positivity. Share resources, read books, and engage in discussions that promote a fulfilled understanding of sexuality. Normalize talking about sex  free from judgment. Get vulnerable with yourself and others. This fosters a supportive environment for all. 

5. **Celebrate Diversity: Everyone’s Desires are Valid**

Sexuality is diverse, and so are desires. Recognizing and celebrating this diversity means acknowledging that everyone’s sexual preferences and orientations are valid. Be open to learning about different identities and practices. This could include understanding kink, polyamory, asexuality, and embracing the vanilla vibe. To each is everyone’s one. Don’t feel you have to do things you might not be comfortable with to prove a point to anyone. Explore when you feel comfortable. Do you, boo. 

Summer can be a great time for self-discovery. Attend workshops, read, and join supportive communities. The more we understand and accept each other’s differences, the more inclusive and pleasurable our sexual experiences become. Remember, sexy is as much about respect and understanding as it is about attraction and passion. Enjoy the summer heat responsibly, and let’s make every delish encounter as safe and satisfying as it is sexy.

Written by Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her)

Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.