How Do You Listen?

Photo by Mauro Lima

I’ve been thinking about what it means to listen. Listening is a form of active engagement which I think is different from hearing. Hearing is physiological.  Hearing is a passive and automatic sensory process. If we have the privilege to hear, we don’t control it. Listening is an active and intentional process. It involves paying conscious attention to the sounds we hear, interpreting them, and understanding their meaning. Listening requires focus, cognitive engagement, and often emotional involvement. It's a deliberate action that goes beyond mere auditory perception to include processing and comprehension. We don’t have to have the physiological function to hear in order to listen. 

If you think about it, listening is pretty profound. It's an engagement with the world that involves perceiving, understanding, and interpreting a vast array of sounds and signals from our environment. Listening is a fundamental aspect of communication. It offers a ton of value and richness to our experiences and relationships.

Listening is a crucial element of effective communication. It involves more than just hearing words; it requires understanding the emotions, intentions, and underlying messages being conveyed. Active listening, where we fully concentrate, understand, respond, and then remember what is being said, is essential for meaningful interactions.

Photo by Sam Balye

For Interpersonal relationships, active listening helps build trust and empathy. When we truly listen to someone, we validate their feelings and experiences. This can strengthen bonds and create a sense of support and understanding. In romantic partnerships, listening attentively to your partner fosters deeper intimacy and mutual respect. By acknowledging their thoughts and feelings, you create a foundation of trust and security, which is crucial for a healthy and enduring relationship.

Listening to children is extremely important as it significantly impacts their development. When a child shares their experiences or concerns, responding with empathy and understanding can make them feel heard and respected. This not only helps them develop confidence in expressing themselves but also fosters a strong parent-child relationship built on trust and mutual respect. Moreover, by listening to children, adults can gain insights into their world, understand their perspectives, and address their needs more effectively.

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Listening is not limited to the act of hearing with our ears. It encompasses a broader range of sensory and cognitive experiences. For those in the Deaf and hard-of-hearing communities, listening takes on different forms, involving visual, tactile, kinesthetic senses, and transmuting the information back.

There is a practice of feeling vibrations to perceive sound. Evelyn Glennie, (check out her TED Talk!) a world-renowned percussionist who is deaf, explains how she "listens" to music by feeling the vibrations through her body, using her hands, feet, and even her cheekbones to sense the different frequencies and rhythms. This approach allows her to perform and enjoy music in a deeply personal and immersive way.

Similarly, sign language offers another dimension of listening, because it involves interpreting visual signals and gestures to understand communication.

Photo by SHVETS Production

Composer and musician Pauline Oliveros introduced the concept of "deep listening," which encourages us to engage with the sounds around us in a more mindful and profound way. Deep listening involves not only hearing but also being aware of and attentive to the sounds in our environment, recognizing their significance, and reflecting on their meanings.

Listening is a multifaceted and inclusive practice that enriches our understanding of the world when we truly take the time to choose it. I’ve been listening to the birds outside my window, moving my listening past the roar of the cars on the street below, or to audio books lately. It gives me the opportunity to sink in and imagine in a different way than simply reading a book does. I’ve been working on listening more when my friends share what’s going on with them,hearing the rise and falls of their tones and interjecting less to build a different type of empathy. I’ve been listening to myself more as well.  

By expanding the ways in which we are listening, we can embrace its diverse forms and cultivate a deeper appreciation for the world around us. 

Written by Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her)

Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.