The Perils of Summer Love: Love Bombing & Gaslighting
Photo by Jasmine Carter
Warm weather, long days, and the carefree atmosphere of summer creates the perfect backdrop for new relationships to blossom. There's something undeniably enchanting about summer love—it's intense, passionate, and filled with promise. Whether it’s a chance meeting at a beach party, a concert in the park, and meeting new people. Everyone is wearing less clothes. Everything feels fresh and exhilarating. Conversations flow effortlessly, and every moment together feels like an adventure. It's easy to get swept up in the whirlwind of emotions and envision a future in meeting someone new.
This intensity that summer love makes so thrilling is also a fertile ground for love bombing. Love bombing is a manipulative tactic where one person overwhelms the other with excessive affection, attention, and gifts. It can feel like a fairytale at first—who wouldn’t be charmed by constant compliments and grand gestures? But this excessive attention is often a red flag rather than a sign of genuine love.
Photo by Roberto Nickerson
Love bombers use this tactic of flattery to quickly build a sense of dependency and control. Their aim is to create an emotional high that makes you overlook any potential flaws or warning signs. They might tell you they love you very early in the relationship, make extravagant promises, and push for rapid commitment. They will tell you how smart, beautiful and sexy you are… things that anyone might want to initially hear. The feelings that you might feel might create confusion for you, even disorienting, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new romance or it might feel that things are moving too quickly.
The trouble with someone who ‘love’ bombs might become evident the moment you might try to set boundaries. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding, but love bombers often react poorly to any form of boundary-setting. They might see it as a threat to their control and respond with anger or manipulation.
We’ve heard stories like this: Femmes being called difficult or even called a "c*nt" for simply trying to assert a need for things to slow down or not being ready to be sexually intimate. This kind of reaction is a glaring sign of toxicity. It can be shocking and hurtful, leaving you questioning your judgment and the relationship's foundation. This is where the real challenge of dating today lies—recognizing and addressing toxic behaviors without losing faith in yourself.
In addition to love bombing, folks need to be wary of other forms of emotional manipulation, such as gaslighting. Gaslighting is a tactic where someone makes you doubt your own reality or sanity. They might deny things they said or did, blame you for being too sensitive, or twist situations to make you feel like the problem. This can erode your self-esteem and make you feel trapped in the circumstance…
Photo by Keira Burton
The combination of love bombing and gaslighting can create a particularly insidious form of abuse. At first, the love bomber showers you with affection, making you feel special and adored. But once they’ve gained your trust and dependence, they start to manipulate and control you, leaving you confused and emotionally exhausted.
Dating in our current culture is fraught with challenges. The prevalence of online dating apps has made it easier to meet new people, but it has also introduced new complexities. The paradox of choice means we’re constantly bombarded with options, making it harder to settle on one person. This can lead to superficial connections and a tendency to discard relationships at the first sign of trouble.
Photo by Shawn Fields
Additionally, social media can distort our perceptions of relationships. We’re constantly exposed to curated images of perfect couples, which can create unrealistic expectations and pressure to present a flawless facade. This can make it harder to recognize and address issues in our own relationships.
It’s crucial to trust your instincts. Let me put that in caps. IT’S CRUCIAL TO TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. If something feels off, it probably is. Your gut feelings are a powerful tool for detecting red flags and protecting yourself from toxic behaviors. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by someone’s affection or uneasy about their reactions to your boundaries, take a step back and reassess the situation.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, trust, and communication. It’s okay to take things slow and ensure that both parties are comfortable and happy. If someone truly cares about you, they will respect your boundaries and work with you to build a strong, healthy connection.
Written by Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her)
Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.