Being with Suffering
Photo by Rok Romih
The news is awful. There’s no way to sugar coat it. You can’t ignore it (and empaths, really can’t.) You can’t unsee the things you’ve seen and some feel like it’s their duty to be a constant witness. Small talk might be getting harder for you; and you might find irritation at those who seem like they're always ‘happy’ or are apolitical about what’s happening around them. Platitudes feel lame and, at best, don't really seem appropriate to the times.
As activists dedicated to social justice, we frequently confront systemic injustices that perpetuate widespread suffering. We find ourselves on the frontline, grappling with the urgent need to take action to alleviate others' pain. However, this relentless drive to DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING can weigh heavily on us, exacerbating the strain on our sympathetic nervous system and maintaining a constant state of heightened arousal. The toll on our physical and mental well-being cannot be overstated. We are constantly engaged in actively coping, problem-solving, and striving to be resilient (aka ‘adulting’) - it is A LOT.
My offering: Instead of resisting, be with suffering. (Hold on, don’t roll your eyes….).
For some, we might think that if we’re not actively resisting with some brute force, we’re giving in. I don’t agree. Resisting can look like many things.
Being with suffering means holding a compassionate and empathetic presence with oneself and others.
Is watching the morning news, then listening to that NPR, then reading that NYT article, then ‘doom’ scrolling on your social media, going to help others? Is being engulfed in others’ trauma serving you? Does it serve them?
What are ways in which we can release pressure on ourselves for knowledge ‘gathering’ without bypassing what is going on and be present to it?
This a question those with privilege can ponder, but what if being with suffering can allow for more consciousness, more meaningful and direct, attuned actions toward those in need. Or give more permission to rest and then fight because those in privileged positions have more to give.
Being with suffering is a deeply human act of connection and solidarity, fostering a sense of shared humanity and compassion in the face of adversity.
Therapists have to contend with others’ suffering as they work with clients. Navigating their humanness without being consumed by their clients’ pain to provide strategic support. Medical concepts like ‘clinical distance’ can provide ways to manage empathy without burnout but therapists are people too and can ‘burnout’ in managing their own lives.
Bearing witness does not mean that you have to watch constant memes and articles to be informed up to the minute on atrocities. Our colleague Aishia Grevenberg was just sharing a talk with us on trauma bonding, how even hearing of someone else’s trauma, gives us that same effect.
So what to do:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first step in coping with suffering is to acknowledge and validate your emotions. As activists, we're often taught to be strong and resilient, but it's okay to feel pain, anger, sadness, and frustration. These emotions are natural responses to injustice and suffering. By allowing ourselves to feel and express these emotions, we can begin to process our experiences and move towards healing.
Connect with Community: Activism can be isolating, especially when facing overwhelming challenges. However, building and nurturing a supportive community can provide a source of strength and solidarity. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who share your values and passions. Lean on each other for support, encouragement, and shared experiences. Together, we can amplify our voices and effect positive change.
Take care of you: Self-care is not selfish; it's essential for sustaining ourselves in the long fight for justice. Make time for activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Whether it's meditation, exercise, art, or spending time in nature, find what brings you joy and peace. Prioritize rest and relaxation, and set boundaries to protect your well-being. Remember, you can't pour from an empty cup.
Take Action: While it's important to acknowledge our emotions and practice self-care, taking action is also a crucial part of coping with suffering. Channel your anger and frustration into productive activism. Advocate for change through grassroots organizing, lobbying, protests, and community outreach. Use your voice to speak out against injustice and amplify the voices of marginalized communities. Taking action not only empowers us but also gives us a sense of purpose and agency in the face of adversity.
Educate Yourself (but know if you’re overdoing it): Knowledge is power, especially when it comes to understanding the root causes of suffering and injustice. Take the time to educate yourself but find balance.
Seek Professional Help: Coping with suffering, especially trauma, may require professional support. Don't hesitate to reach out to therapists, counselors, or support groups for help. Therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions, explore coping strategies, and develop resilience. Additionally, therapy can help address any internalized oppression or trauma resulting from systemic injustice.
Practice Gratitude, Honoring Resilience: Despite the news, cultivating gratitude and resilience; small moments of joy, acts of kindness, and the strength of your community.
Remind yourself that change is possible, and every action you take contributes to a more just and equitable world.
Written by Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her)
Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.