With the Fall Brings… Cuffing Season

Photo by Roxy Svydovetska

*I feel like fallin' in love / I'm in the mood to f**k something up.*  

— Beyoncé, *Cuff It*

The air is cooling and the leaves are turning that red/russet, golden yellow so is our collective mood toward dating. It’s *cuffing season,* that time of year when the prospect of cozy nights snuggled up next to someone seems infinitely more appealing than braving the cold solo. But before we all rush into the comforting arms of a new relationship (or situationship), let’s pause and think about what we’re getting into. 

There’s a sense of urgency as if time itself is pushing us to pair (thruple or quad) off before winter isolation sets in. The idea of having someone/s to share seasonal activities—apple picking, pumpkin-spice-everything, Netflix binges, —can seem romantic, but it’s important to consider the potential drawbacks of dating on a timeline.

Photo by Edward Eyer

There’s the pressure that comes with this timing.  Many of us treat relationships like projects. We set deadlines for when we should hit major milestones—dating by fall, exclusive by Indigenous People’s Day, meeting the family by the winter solstice, and perhaps even breaking up by spring (the unofficial end of the cuffing season). This race to the “cuddle” can cloud our judgment. In a rush to "find someone/s", we may overlook potential red flags or settle for a relationship that isn't quite right. I see it in my therapy work all the time—clients talking about feeling trapped in a relationship simply because they were more focused on the idea of having someone than the reality of who that person actually is.

When we’re in a hurry, we might ignore instincts telling us something is off. This can lead to unhealthy relationship dynamics, where the pressure of being cuffed outweighs genuine compatibility. Before you commit to someone this season, ask yourself: Am I feeling pressured by the timeline, or am I genuinely interested in getting to know this person?

Another consideration is that love doesn’t follow a seasonal trend, y’all. Many of us get caught up in the excitement of cuffing season without considering the long-term implications of jumping into a relationship solely for temporary comfort. Are you just in for short-term satisfaction but what happens if you “catch feelings”? Being emotionally responsible for yourself and others shouldn’t be overlooked. Building a meaningful connection takes time, and it’s important to make sure your foundation is strong enough to withstand more than just winter chills.

Photo by RDNE Stock Project

Cuffing season can also play on our need for emotional connection, especially as the holidays approach. The idea of being single during a season that emphasizes togetherness can trigger feelings of loneliness. But entering into a relationship to avoid these emotions only postpones dealing with them. Instead of focusing on cuffing someone, it’s essential to focus on what you truly need emotionally. Maybe it’s companionship, or maybe it’s self-reflection and growth. 

When I work with clients who feel the pressure of the season, I often emphasize how important it is to remain emotionally attuned to themselves. Relationships that thrive are built on more than just a shared dislike for being alone on cold nights. They require vulnerability, communication, and a desire to build something meaningful, not just something convenient.

Practical Steps for Cuffing Season

So, if you’re feeling the cuffing season vibes but want to avoid its pitfalls, here are some things to consider:

Check your motives – Are you genuinely interested in someone, or are you just looking for a seasonal fling to avoid loneliness? Be honest with yourself and the person you're dating.

Pace Yourself – Relationships evolve naturally. Rushing things can create unnecessary pressure and lead to burnout or dissatisfaction.

Communicate your intentions – Be upfront. If you want a serious relationship, be clear about that too. Mismatched expectations can lead to hurt feelings down the line.

Watch for red flags – Don’t let the coziness of the season blind you to unhealthy dynamics. Be mindful of love bombing, gaslighting, or any signs that indicate emotional manipulation.

Stay emotionally grounded – Spend time reflecting on what you want in a relationship. Journaling, talking with a therapist, or even connecting with friends can help you stay centered.

Dating, like any worthwhile endeavor, takes time, patience, and a willingness to be vulnerable. Before you cuff it up, take a moment to reflect on what you’re truly seeking—and whether this relationship is built to last beyond the winter thaw.

Written by Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her)

Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.