Why I Can’t See You and Your Partner for Individual Therapy

Photo by Ha Nguy

Nicolas Guerrero Pena, LSW (he/him) is a dedicated and compassionate social worker with expertise in life transitions, aging, immigrant issues and the LGBTQIA+ issues. He holds a Master's in Social Work from the Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College. He brings experience working with organizations like Jewish Association Serving the Aging (JASA), New York City Affirmative Psychotherapy, and the Queens College DREAM Team. Nicolas brings a holistic approach to LBT serving individuals and groups.

It's not uncommon for individuals to seek help for issues that affect their relationships. Relationship problems can indeed take a toll on one's mental well-being, and seeking therapy is a commendable step toward addressing these concerns. However, there is a crucial distinction between individual therapy and couples therapy, and it's important to understand why therapists often cannot see both partners individually when relationship issues arise. This recently came up for me, so I thought it would be helpful to share the reasons behind this practice and why it is essential for the effectiveness of therapy.

In Individual therapy, I work one-on-one with a client to address personal concerns, emotions, and psychological issues. The focus is entirely on the individual, helping them gain insight into their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and past experiences. The primary goal of individual therapy is to improve an individual's mental well-being, personal growth, and overall quality of life.

Sometimes, couples often consider individual therapy when they are facing relationship challenges. They may believe that by seeking individual therapy alongside couples therapy with the same therapist, that they can address their own emotional struggles while simultaneously working on their relationship. While this may seem like a reasonable approach on the surface, it is not typically recommended, and there are several compelling reasons for this.

Photo by Peter John

Confidentiality and Trust

One of the cornerstones of therapy is confidentiality. Clients must feel safe sharing their deepest thoughts, emotions, and concerns with their therapist. In couples therapy, maintaining a neutral and unbiased stance is crucial. If one partner were to see the same therapist for individual therapy, it could create a conflict of interest and raise concerns about confidentiality. The fear of information being shared between sessions may inhibit open communication, trust, and the ability to explore personal issues freely.

Imbalance of Power

When one partner engages in individual therapy with the same therapist who conducts couples therapy, it can create an inherent imbalance of power within the therapeutic relationship. The partner who has been seeing the therapist individually may feel they have an advantage, knowing more about the therapist's style and approach, potentially leading to a perception of favoritism. This power imbalance can hinder the effectiveness of couples therapy and make it difficult for both partners to feel heard and validated.

Misalignment of Goals

Individual therapy and couples therapy have different objectives. In individual therapy, the focus is on the individual's personal growth and well-being. In contrast, couples therapy aims to improve the dynamics and communication within the relationship. Combining both forms of therapy may lead to confusion regarding the goals and priorities of each session, ultimately diluting the effectiveness of the treatment.

Maintaining Boundaries

Therapists are bound by ethical guidelines to maintain professional boundaries with their clients. Engaging in individual therapy with one partner while providing couples therapy for the relationship can blur these boundaries. To ensure ethical practice, therapists must maintain clear boundaries between their roles in individual and couples therapy to avoid any potential conflicts of interest or ethical violations.

Limited Perspective

When a therapist sees one partner individually, they may gain a deeper understanding of that person's perspective, emotions, and experiences within the relationship. However, this partial view can limit the therapist's ability to remain neutral and unbiased in couples therapy. To effectively address relationship issues, therapists need to maintain an impartial stance and not be influenced by information obtained during individual sessions.

While seeking help for relationship issues is commendable, it is essential to understand the boundaries and limitations of individual therapy when dealing with couples' concerns. There are family therapists that have a different ethos, but that is a different way of working. The separation of individual therapy and couples therapy is not a mere formality but a fundamental aspect of ethical and effective therapy practice for many of us who do individual therapy.

Therapists are committed to providing the best possible care for their clients and maintaining the confidentiality, trust, and neutrality necessary for effective therapy. While it may be challenging to accept the limitations of individual therapy in the context of a troubled relationship, it is ultimately in the best interest of all parties involved.

By: Nicolas Guerrero Peña, LSW (he/him)