How to Hold Yourself Down in a Crisis — And Show Up for Others

Photo by: Aedrian Salazar

Life can put you on the struggle bus. One minute, everything is smooth, and the next, you’re dodging curveballs you never saw coming. Maybe it’s a sudden job loss, a breakup that snatches the air from your lungs, or a family emergency that turns your world upside down. Whatever it is, the weight is real. And when you’re in the thick of it, the last thing you need is empty positivity or soppy advice that doesn’t hit. What you need is a way through, so let’s talk about how to hold yourself down and how to hold space for others when they’re in the trenches too.

Let Yourself Feel It

You don’t have to be strong all the time. That’s a lie they sold us, and you don’t have to buy it. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream into a pillow, do it. Your feelings are valid, and suppressing them won’t make them disappear—it just stores them for later, and they’ll just come back when you least expect it. Let them move through you so they don’t build up inside you. It will lead to unexpected emotional distress later. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step toward healing.

Photo by: Frames for Your Heart

Ground Yourself in the Now

A crisis makes your mind race, pulling you into every worst-case scenario imaginable. Before you know it, you’re drowning in what-ifs. Pause. Breathe. Do a few of these techniques like: Name five things around you. Feel your feet on the ground. Now, this moment is the only one you can control. Don’t let a future that isn’t even here steal the energy you need for right now. The present moment is where your power lies—preserving your energy for what is within reach can provide a sense of stability.

Create a Plan—But Keep It Simple

Once the storm settles a little, ask yourself: What’s one small step I can take today? Not ten, not five—just one. A crisis might have you feeling powerless, but every little move reminds you that you still have choices. Whether it’s reaching out for help, handling one overdue task, or just getting out of bed and eating something—small steps stack up.

Photo by: Simi Iluyomade

Know When to Tap In Your People

You don’t have to do it alone. The real ones want to be there for you. If you have folks who love you, let them in. Say, I’m not okay and I need support. If you don’t have that circle? There are crisis lines, therapists, and community spaces built just for moments like this. Strength isn’t suffering in silence—it’s knowing when to call in backup.

Supporting others through crisis requires sensitivity and intentionality. The goal is not to "fix" their situation but to be a compassionate and steady presence for them. Here’s some other ways to approach. 

Listen More, Talk Less

People in crisis don’t always need advice. They need presence, and there is so much power in you just simply being there for them. They need to know someone sees them, hears them, and won’t judge their pain. Instead of jumping in with solutions, try: I hear you. That sounds heavy. How can I support you? Creating space for them to process their feelings without judgment is invaluable.

Show Up How They Need, Not How You Think

Not everybody wants the same kind of support. Some need space; others need company. Some want distraction; others want to sit in it. Ask. Let them tell you what helps, and don’t just assume what is best for them. Be patient and follow their lead.

Photo by: Angelo Moleele

Check-In Beyond the Crisis

Once the worst passes, people tend to fall off. Don’t be that person. Healing isn’t instant, and just because someone looks okay doesn’t mean they are. Send the text. Make the call. Be consistent. That’s what real support looks like. Checking in—whether through a brief message or a conversation—reinforces that they are not alone. Consistency is a cornerstone of meaningful support.

Challenging moments are part of the human experience, they don’t last forever and do not define you. What shapes you is how you navigate them—whether by holding space for yourself or showing up for others. Your resilience is those moments of rest, or love, and your gifts to  your community. Trust in your capacity for resilience and connection. Even in moments of struggle, you are never truly alone.