Entropy in Relationships — What is that?

Photo by RDNE Stock Project

Ironically, I began writing this post before the new season of “Love Is Blind.”  In the pods, Taylor brings up the fear of entropy in relationships to G (our scientific geeky couple) … what the heck is she talking about…?

Entropy in relational dynamics can be understood as the gradual breakdown of a relationship over time, especially if there is no effort to maintain or nurture it. Just as physical systems naturally move toward greater disorder, relationships—whether personal or professional—can become more disorganized or dysfunctional unless energy is put into maintaining communication, connection, and mutual understanding.

Here’s a quick cheat sheet on how entropy can manifest in relationships:

Photo by RDNE Stock Project

1. Communication Breakdown:

As relationships age, people may become more complacent, and communication can start to deteriorate. Conversations that once flowed easily may become shorter, less frequent, or less meaningful. Misunderstandings and assumptions can take the place of clear and open dialogue. The fix ongoing, intentional efforts to communicate clearly and crushing unsolved conflicts/

2. Emotional Drift:

In the same way that entropy causes a system to lose its structure, relationships can "drift apart" emotionally if they are not actively maintained. Over time, partners, friends, or colleagues might stop investing in each other's emotional needs. Shared activities that once brought people together may decrease, and emotional connections can become less secure. This drift might not happen overnight but rather as a slow, creeping process where both people become less in sync. The fix: stay active and in engaged in your relationships.

Photo by Cottonbro Studio

3. Neglect of Conflict Resolution:

If conflicts are avoided, ignored, or poorly managed, they can accumulate and worsen over time. Small issues build up, creating a growing sense of frustration and resentment. The relationship becomes increasingly fragile, and minor disagreements can snowball into major crises. The fix: Be present and courageous. Don’t blame, use “I” statements and share how you are feeling sooner rather than later.

4. Loss of Shared Goals:

In close relationships, shared goals and values help maintain structure and order. Over time, if partners or team members stop aligning on what they want or expect from the relationship. Purposeless or chaotic relationships lead people apart. The fix: yes, set goals. Time-based…you’ll find ways to connect physically and emotionally.

5. Effort Deterioration:

Healthy relationships require effort—emotional energy, time, and attention. When this effort wanes, entropy sets in. Imagine a relationship as a garden: if it's not tended, weeds grow. This is especially true in long-term relationships, where people may mistakenly believe that the relationship will stay strong, “just because.” They take people for granted. The fix: Be attentive to your emotional needs and theirs. Yes, relationships do require work.

Photo by Antoni Shkraba

To recap “the Fixes” to counteract relational entropy:

• Consistent Communication: Regular and meaningful conversations help maintain emotional and intellectual connection.

• Conflict Resolution: Addressing issues as they arise helps prevent the accumulation of unresolved tensions.

• Shared Experiences and Goals: Maintaining a sense of purpose and shared direction gives the relationship structure.

• Intentional Effort: Investing time and emotional energy into the relationship keeps it from drifting into disorder.

It’s natural, like the moon, for relationships to wax and wane, however with focus our relationships can remain strong, structured and fulfilling.

Written by Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her)

Tanisha Christie, LCSW (she/her) is the Founder and Practice Director who champions the liberation of individuals through the acknowledgement and affirmation of their stories. With a collaborative, holistic, and directive approach, Tanisha guides clients toward healing. Her extensive experience includes roles at Mount Sinai Hospital, the Ackerman Institute for the family and private practices, offering specialized expertise in polyamorous and couple relationships, executive coaching, and clinical supervision.