What Does Love Really Mean? A Guide to Reframing the Concept Beyond Fairytales

Photo by: Mikael Kristenson

Love usually is misunderstood. Framed by fairytale narratives and Hollywood glamorization, you might have grown up equating love with grand gestures, ideas of soulmates, and happily-ever-afters. In our non-Hollywood everyday lives, love is less about the fireworks and more about the quiet moments of connection, commitment, and care. As they say, ‘love is a verb’ let’s explore what that looks like.  

Love requires vulnerability.  Vulnerability isn’t just about opening up to others, it also requires learning to communicate better, confronting your biases, or letting go of perfectionism. Intimacy requires showing parts of yourself you might otherwise keep hidden. 

Sharing your fears, joys, insecurities and trusting that the other person will respond with compassion and grace when receiving you creates emotional intimacy. This act as an exchange can be scary, but it’s grounding for you and your partner/s. Love pushes you to grow as an individual, not by demanding you change for others, but by inviting you to become the truest version of yourself.

Photo by Dave Goudreau

Our society often views love through a transactional lens. You might unconsciously measure love in terms of what you give and what you get in return. But genuine love isn’t an “investment” or keep on a receipt for a bill to be cashed in or paid. It is a constant practice of mutual respect and empathy. This reframing requires you to intentionally challenge the narratives of conditional love that might dominate your thinking. Instead of asking yourself, “What can they do for me?” you might consider, “How can we thrive within this relationship?” This mental shift can transform how you approach romantic partnerships, friendships, and even familial bonds.

Contrary to popular belief, love isn’t devoid of conflict. Healthy disagreements are an inevitable part of any meaningful relationship, and it is vital to learn how to disagree with your partner/s while still being loving. Arguments provide an opportunity to understand one another more deeply and refine how you communicate. The key lies in navigating these conflicts with grace. You can approach disagreements as opportunities to strengthen your connection instead of assigning blame or retreating in anger by stonewalling your partner/s. Disagreements requires active listening, patience, and the willingness to acknowledge your own shortcomings.

Photo by Brian Lundquist

Before you can fully love others, you must first cultivate self-love. This doesn’t mean indulging in narcissism or avoiding accountability but embracing ourselves with critique. This means holding flaws and all, while striving to grow. Self-love is also a verb. Not a slogan. Loving yourself means being about to  set boundaries, recognize toxic patterns (including your own), and make decisions that honor your needs. 

When you love yourself, you model the kind of care and compassion you hope to receive from others. And if you do not receive it, you are able to walk away because you love yourself more than being with anyone that won’t attempt to give you what you need. 

While romantic love often takes center stage in our cultural imagination, it’s important to recognize the many forms love can take. Platonic love, familial love, and even the love you show strangers through acts of kindness are equally valid and impactful. Communal love reminds you that you are interconnected. It challenges the hyper-individualism of modern life, inviting you to build relationships based on solidarity, mutual aid, and collective care. This broader vision of love enriches your life, grounding you in a sense of purpose and belonging.

Ultimately, love is a choice—a daily commitment to show up for yourself and others with empathy, respect, and courage. It’s not a destination you reach, a prize you earn or a check you cash; it’s a journey you embark on, full of challenges and rewards. It’s in the quiet acts of care, the courage to be vulnerable, and the resilience to navigate conflict that you discover what love truly means. By embracing this broader, richer understanding of love, you can create relationships—and a world—rooted in authenticity and compassion.