Self-compassion has become such a buzzword that it's easy to think that being kind toward ourselves is only a purely personal journey. We all talk about how self-care and self-love are the keys to happiness, and while these practices are important, they might not be enough on their own to feel relief. The truth is that to truly care for ourselves, we must look at how compassionate we are toward each other. 

Individualism is a powerful ethos that permeates the United States. We’re constantly encouraged to focus on personal achievements, self-improvement, and internal resilience. But if we are lacking in empathy and support for those around us, our efforts at self-compassion will feel like swimming against a strong current. When you are preoccupied with your own struggles and the social climate is unforgiving, it becomes incredibly challenging to maintain a positive world-view, let alone self-view.

It’s easy to be angry at so much happening in the world. Seeing how folks are treated in society - the disabled, the unhoused, the imprisoned, those struggling to find work or afford rent - I know I feel the weight of all that is going on in the world 

And I know that I’m on the struggle bus of self-compassion -  that broader empathy can feel like it is in short supply. It’s like trying to grow a plant in barren soil. If our surroundings are marked by competition, judgment, and a lack of understanding, it’s no wonder that many people struggle to feel genuinely kind toward themselves. We’re in a world where the emphasis on personal success can sometimes overshadow the basic need for human connection and support.

So, what happens if we don’t rethink how we’re living and engaging with those around us?  If we continue to prioritize individual success over collective well-being, we risk deepening the very isolation that undermines our capacity for self-compassion. This isn’t just about feeling good—it's about facing a future where a lack of empathy could lead to an even more fractured and disconnected society.

We have to participate in building a loving society as part of self-compassion practice by nurturing communities that value empathy and mutual support. Finding supportive groups (colleagues at work, the gym, a book club), engaging in community work (mutual aid, tenants association) or simply connecting with your friends who share your values, any little bit is something better. We need to vigorously surround ourselves with it and have conversations about a way of life that is less divisive and more inclusive. 

And yes, advocating for systemic change is part of this but so is being kind to the cashier at the supermarket. We can reimagine a  new way of living together and use that energy to source self-compassion. I have a neighbor who gives a dollar a week to a man who lives in supportive housing in our neighborhood. It’s pretty clear that the man has some kind of mental/emotional challenge. My neighbor ritualistically participates in this small act of compassion that encourages empathy for anyone that notices.