I have had the privilege to witness many clients reflect on their personal journeys and support the navigation of their identities within a complex social context. Some have even asked if it is still important to come out.  And “What if we live in a world where it’s okay to just *be*, where labels don’t need declarations and existence itself can be revolutionary?”

As a therapist, I can’t answer this but work with people to make their own determinations on what they might feel or believe given who they are, where they live, and what they understand about the world. 

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. 

For some, coming out is crucial for their mental well-being, a bold assertion of self in a world that often seeks to suppress marginalized identities. For others, the act of coming out feels unnecessary or even unsafe—a testament to the idea that simply being authentic without a formal “coming out” process is enough. Both approaches are valid and deserve space in our conversations.

For many, coming out is not just a personal milestone, but a political act of visibility. In a world that often marginalizes and suppresses queer and trans identities, visibility can feel like a form of resistance. To publicly declare one’s identity is, for some, an important part of claiming space and demanding recognition.

From a therapeutic perspective, this act of self-revelation can be empowering, a step toward living authentically. I’ve seen clients experience profound relief after sharing their truths with others, unburdening themselves from the weight of secrecy. For some, the act of coming out isn’t just about personal validation—it’s about standing in solidarity with others, honoring those who came before, and made it safer for them to exist openly.

But it’s deeply important to recognize that not everyone feels the need or safe to come out. As a society, we’ve often framed coming out as a rite of passage, but this expectation can be problematic. For some, the pressure to come out can feel like another societal demand to perform identity rather than live it.

From a social justice perspective, the idea of “just being” is a radical rejection of heteronormative expectations. For some individuals, existing as their true selves—without needing to announce or explain—is a form of quiet defiance. Why should anyone have to disclose their identity to be valid? There is power in choosing to let your existence speak for itself, without making it a public declaration.

In therapy sessions, clients who choose not to come out often express that their identity is deeply personal. The pressure to make it a public statement can feel overwhelming, especially in spaces where it’s still unsafe or where they simply don’t feel the need to announce who they are. This is a perfectly valid and important stance. Being your authentic self doesn't always need to be accompanied by fanfare or explanation.

For many people—especially those at the intersections of multiple identities—coming out is dangerous. It’s essential to consider the realities faced by Black, Indigenous, people of color, disabled, and economically disadvantaged queer and trans folks. The choice to come out can carry serious consequences for those who are already fighting for safety and survival. 

In therapy, we acknowledge the privilege that can come with being able to come out. For some, it’s simply not safe to do so, and that choice does not make their identity any less valid. It’s crucial to recognize that coming out is not always a personal failure or an act of fear, but often a deeply strategic decision about survival.

This intersectionality must be honored, especially on Trans Day of Remembrance, when we reflect on the lives of trans individuals—disproportionately trans women of color—who faced violence and loss simply for living their truth. On this day, it may be more about honoring their legacy than making our own proclamations. 

For those who choose to come out, there is often a significant emotional toll. Rejection, misunderstanding, and even physical harm can follow. From a therapeutic perspective, it’s important to recognize the mental health implications of both coming out and staying closeted. Individuals can experience anxiety, depression, and internalized shame as they navigate the complexities of identity in a world that often tells them they are “other.”

But I also see strength. I witnessed clients come out, not just in the public sense, but to themselves. The beauty in recognizing who you are, whether or not you choose to share that with the world. As we approach these days of reflection and remembrance, let’s hold space for the diversity of experiences. I encourage you to find what feels right for you and to honor the journeys of others, wherever they may be on the path to living authentically.